Disclaimer: Please Read When You’re Ready
This part is hard. That’s what I say to please wait till you’re ready because I wasn’t ready to absorb these words for a long time. I trust that these words will find the right souls when they are ready.
To say it out loud is not enough. “It” being that you need help or that you need change. It’s a must. You must begin there, but please do not think this is where it ends or where it resolves. I flailed my body, heart, and mind around for years exclaiming help me, help me. I did so through my words and most through my destructive behavior. ”
Can’t you see how severely I’m drowning?” Look at how much I’m drinking. Look at how I spend my time. Look at my relationships. I looked to everyone, everything, friends, medications, and therapists to save me. Then, I threw a gargantuan internal pity party while no one saved me.
“They must not truly love me.” I thought.
I’m all alone suffering on this world and no one cares not even my Higher Power.
“I must not be worth it.” I resolved.
You have to do something. YOU have to do something. No one else can save you. From my own journey, you must also have faith in something, but you must also reckon with that which you believe in. You must reach. You must do the scary things. You must get yourself help. Don’t put that burden on the people who love you. I did it for years and I am fortunate that they stuck around. I know you’re tired and hurting but you will surprise yourself when you reach. Make the changes. Take the baby steps. Crawl and crawl. People will meet you along the way and teach, support, and guide you but then the ball is in your court. This is your court, isn’t it? You have a court. You’ve been passed the ball. Take a shot. Who the hell cares if you miss. Take another shot. How do we learn or become anything? We practice. We fail. We sweat. We cry. We doubt. We take five. And we take another damn shot. If you’re not ready, that’s okay, the time will come. Just don’t let the time pass you by. You’re the Michael Jordan of your own life. Don’t sit on the bench. I tell the girls I coach all the time, “Show me what you got.” Not in some cheesy coach slang, but because I know they got it, and I want them to recognize that, and own the hell out of it.
What’s your number? Or use your name. I was number 11 growing up in my softball days. “Number 11.” I tell myself. “You’re up!” Hit the field. Hit the court. Hit your arena. Show yourself what you got. No one is going to see it until you see it first. Don’t wallow around wondering why no one sees who are you when you haven’t even unveiled it yourself. Take that warm up jersey off. You’re hiding under it. Believe in yourself first, and the world will follow suit. See yourself first and the world will follow suit. Love yourself first and the world will follow suit. Every so often life brings us people and circumstance to stand in our corner and remind us. I pray that these people find you and that you find them. But first, be your own cheerleader. Stand up again and again until you feel it, know it, believe it, and embody it. I swear to you it’s possible. I write to you because I wrote to myself first.