No this isn’t click bait. I’m serious, I found it.
My mind is wired in a way that identifies patterns, connects dots, and comes to new conclusions. That’s what happened with this one. Let me connect the dots for you.
My first brush with the meaning of life was a few years ago. I was laying on a dock next to a boy I loved. We had a telescope, wine coolers, a blanket, and each other. The stars draped over us like the most beautiful tapestry and they poured love down like soft rain. Our youthful hearts were as full as the moon we saw through that telescope. The veil between us and heaven was so thin that night that it felt like time stopped.
I looked past the Colorado night sky and said to God, “This. This is why I came here.”
Not to be his, or to drink wine under the stars, but for that kind of moment, for love. It wasn’t just his love, our love for each other, but the moment itself was love.
I said to God, “I want to experience everything it means to be human. I want it all.” I want to fall in love. I want my heart to break. I want to experience loss. I want to know and experience everything it means to be a divine soul wrapped in human skin. I want to feel. I want to feel it all.
And boy, did God hear me that night.
I call it magic because that’s what it feels like. It’s not every day or even every year. Its tiny sparkling moments. It’s tying your best friends shoes on her wedding day. It’s holding a new born baby. It’s standing outside a London pub with your twin brother. It’s perfectly timed phone calls from your older sister when she had no idea you had a day from hell. It’s watching the sunset. Its dancing to your favorite song in your bathroom with your confused dog as an audience. It’s meeting a kindred spirit at a bar. It’s soaking in exactly where you stand and appreciating for what it is, not good or bad but what it is, which in my own personal theology is love. I shake my head as I write this because when I say love, it’s a word you just read on a screen and I wish I could transfer through the screen what I mean when I say love. I think you know though. If you’re on this earth, you’ve brushed against love in some form and I know you know.
Think about it for a moment because your moments are different than mine.
That’s it. That’s the meaning of life. It’s not just the “good” moments either. It’s consoling yourself at night as you cry over a boy who broke your heart. It’s sitting on the front row at your best friend’s dad’s funeral watching her speak to the crowd with a completely shattered heart. It’s taking a call from a friend who just got divorced. It’s sitting in a hospital room waiting for a friend to wake up from a suicide attempt. It’s all of it.
This article was spurred on by the weekend I just had at my childhood best friend’s wedding and I call her that because we grew apart. Life happened.
But if you could define the weekend with a phrase, this one was love never dies.
When I arrived at the first event, my petty human guard was up. I bought into the lies that time had changed us, and that I was a stranger to these people who had been such a profound piece of my life at one time. It only took a couple hours and a couple of mimosas to realize that love was still there, and boy, was there a lot of it.
It was the stuff of dreams. It was very regular car rides, conversations, toasts, and dance moves. They looked regular on the outside but when I stepped into them, love is what I found.
The trouble with writing about such a significant entity, the most significant, is that these are just words. What I ask is that you become a seeker and cultivator of love. I’m going to try too. It’s a practice. That’s why it doesn’t happen every moment, day, or week. If this is feeling so far fetched to you as it often does for me, just go looking. I promise, love is looking for you too and it’s hidden in both the ordinary and extraordinary. Expand your mind past the idea that love is romance. It’s self love. It’s kindness. It’s struggling. It’s so many things. It doesn’t take a new born baby or wedding to find these moments. For these are those easier mountain top brushes with love. Look everywhere. Look at strangers. Look for kindness. Look in pain. Look at work and in your home. It’s always there.
For love never fails.
When grief, pain, and apathy befall you, go looking. Let me know what you find.